big autumn energy: intentional introversion
I’m sure most of you can relate to feeling more anxious, lost, or unmotivated during the colder months, added on top of the anxiety + isolation you’re already feeling because of the quarantine this year. A sentiment I’ve heard a few times over the past few weeks is it’s hard to believe that fall is already upon us when the summer felt like it didn’t even exist. Have you felt the daze? As if time is inching forward at a glacial pace, but also you blink and an entire season has passed you by? I know I’m feeling that way heading into October, and I do not want the fall + winter season to feel as hazy as the spring and summer did.
How do we grasp this time? How do we make the most of the moments we’ve been given, when we’re truly struggling to remain present in our anxious or uncertain emotions? All of life is cyclical, we see this in nature as the seasons come and go, we see the moon wax and wane, we watch the tides rise and fall, and we are no different than these natural phases. We also come and go, wax and wane, rise and fall. Are we conscious of it? Not often. I’d like to think we can become more conscious of our own emotional phases, and as we begin to regain our connection to these patterns we’ll see a distinct parallel between the natural cycles around us and within us. These are intrinsically linked processes, which we can use to our advantage.
For me, Persephone has been a prime example of how cyclical our spirits + energies can be. I look to her during autumn as a goddess of death, then eventual rebirth, back to inevitable death, always changing and naturally so. In Greek mythology, Persephone is the Queen of the Underworld—wife of Hades. She is the “protectress in the after-life.” Legend has it that Hades, God of the Underworld, fell in love with Persephone when he saw her picking flowers in a meadow. He scooped her up to ride a dark chariot into the Underworld.
Demeter, mother of Persephone, scoured the earth high and low for her lost daughter. This pursuit led to her guise as an old woman caring for Demophon, the only son of Metaneira—king of Eleusis. As a reward to the family, Demeter revealed her true identity, gifted Demophon immortality, and demanded a temple be built in Eleusis in her honor.
Demeter then withdrew to live inside of the earth, and created a great drought to convince the Gods to release Persephone from the Underworld. In response to the drought, Zeus sent Hermes to persuade Persephone’s freedom from Hades—but it wasn’t so easy for him to give her up. Hades slipped Persephone a pomegranate seed as she was being released, a spell which would compel her to return to him. This act produced a compromise: Persephone would be free, but she would be required to spend one half of the year back in the dark romance of Hades’ Underworld.
This account of the myth symbolizes the cyclical shift of life to death, as seen in the changing of the seasons. When Persephone is on the earth, she is bringing forth the life of spring and summer. When the taste of the pomegranate seed twinges at her taste buds, she returns to the underworld to be with Hades, her death symbolized through autumn and winter.
Persephone’s tale resonates with me this time of year because I see a distinct parallel in my own desire to go inward—the internal “underworld”—from autumn and into winter. I used to believe this could be a form of “seasonal depression,” but as I learn more about my own soul through self-development and spiritual searching, I’m learning the duality within me is a gift, not a curse, it is a sweet pomegranate seed on the tip of my tongue—not a label of introversion or of shame.
This fall, and in preparation for the coming winter, I’m trying to stay mindful of how going inward can truly benefit my own growth, and be a joyous time of self-reflection + self-recovery. Going inward is often perceived as a lonesome pursuit, one that may isolate or hinder us.
I’d like to change that narrative, for myself and for you, by sharing the rituals + practices of introversion + reflection that can give us our inner freedom without the shame or guilt of taking time to ourselves. This is not a snowy, brooding, Icelandic log cabin energy. This isn’t “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” isolation induced madness. To be with yourself, fully and intentionally, is our greatest connection to our highest self and our own inner truth.
The stronger we build the muscle between our conscious and subconscious mind, the less likely we are to abandon ourselves along the way. Abandoning ourselves can happen in a myriad of ways, both large and small. For a small example, say you tell your partner or friend that you want Chinese takeout for dinner because you assume that is what they want to eat, when you really want to hit up a fast food drive-thru or microwave a frozen burrito. That seems like a lame example, but that’s a small way you may cover up your true desire in place of what other people want or expect out of you.
If you are compromising yourself on those small levels, imagine where you may be quick to abandon your truth in larger decisions: a career your parents wished for you, a relationship that is safe + stable on paper but does not serve you, a lifestyle / home / set of hobbies that have been programmed into you as “the best way” or the “right way.” The truth is, what is the “best way” or the “right way” is your soul purpose to uncover. That path does not come to you from external advice or resources, it is something that comes from within. Spending time with yourself, intentionally and compassionately, will enhance your ability to stay true to what your spirit is asking of you. The right path for you is not the easy one, it is not the one where you compromise, it is up to you to actively forge ahead.
So how am I building this muscle with my subconscious + spiritual energy, and how will that carry me into the isolating energy of colder weather? Here are 3 ways I’m showing up for myself, seeing myself, and harnessing my own innate power within this fall:
01 morning meditation
Hear me out, there’s a reason spiritual practices + self development regimes encourage adding meditation to your daily routine. Aside from a list of physical benefits, which include: reducing anxiety, helping chronic pain, lowering levels of depression, lowering your risk of heart disease and high blood pressure—there are even more spiritual benefits, especially in regards to building a stronger relationship with yourself.
Every morning, after I’ve sat and enjoyed a quiet breakfast with myself, I will set up a comfortable seating position (the location varies, so long as I can be comfortable, with my back supported, and my palms facing upward—the position of receiving). Try to think of it as receiving peace, instead of doing something peaceful—this energy is a gift to you, not a laborious task on your part. That shift in mentality may help cut your resistance, which will be natural at first.
When I first started meditating daily, I would only set an alarm for 5 minutes, and I would put on a calming “meditation music” mix on Spotify. This was easier to make a daily habit, and over time I started to bump up the time. Today, I will set an alarm for 20 minutes, sit upright with palms facing upward, have incense or candles burning, and remain in silence for the entirety of the alarm set. Sometimes I’m going into a meditation with an intention, which I ruminate on before slipping into silence. An example of an intention would be: provide me clarity on (insert creative project), or bring peace to (insert difficult obstacle in my life).
Some of my favorite realizations have come from sessions where I didn’t set an intention, and really rested in the feelings that came up. Whatever thought was consistent enough to make an impact (a change in my emotion, maybe even goosebumps on my skin), is the reward for being still and slipping into my inner truth. Whatever that persistent idea, mantra, phrase, or image is, I will immediately journal on the realization for a few pages, or maybe even just a sentence, in my journal. After reflecting on what came up for me in mediation, I then go into my morning gratitude practice: 3 things I am thankful for today. I like to be specific with my gratitude, making sure I’ve been present enough with my external environment to find new + unique things to thank the universe for every morning. If you’d like to pick up a daily journaling practice (or three), check out my earlier blog post on my daily journaling routine for inspiration in your own daily reflection.
There is no right or wrong way to meditate, but there is a degree of mindfulness + documentation required if you’re looking to use the practice to learn more about your spirit. Show up to a journal after every session, and do not sensor what comes up for you. The idea here is finding that inner truth, one that cannot be controlled or filtered as it comes up. You may find over time that you are growing in ways you were not aware of before, and look forward to that 20 minutes of self-reflection + harmony.
02 evening reading
Yeah, it’s not a profound idea that you should read more now that you’re spending time inside. But this practice is a bit more intentional than using some paper-back entertainment to pass a chilly evening at home. Every night before bed, I set a 20 minute alarm (see a theme here?), put my phone on airplane mode, and read until the alarm goes off: no more, no less. While I am reading, I make sure I am actually digesting + reflecting on what I’m consuming, whatever genre or story I’m indulging in.
Something about knowing I only have that 20 minutes before bed makes me savor what I’m reading, and I begin to apply the words + images to my own life, hoping to find answers to my own questions in the words of fiction or of another person’s truth. By being more intentional with my consumption of media, even slow media like a book or article, I realize how much of what I’m consuming deeply affects me. If I were spending that 20 minutes before bed scrolling through Instagram, I would not be mindful of how that content was permeating my own beliefs + programming, I’d just be scrolling faster than I was actually capable of digesting, and finding it increasingly harder to hit the lock button and close my eyes to sleep.
Spending time with myself in a slow but measured amount of time, with a mug of something warm (I’m a sleepy tea kind of gal), lulls me into a natural sleepiness. By the time the 20 minutes is up, I often cannot keep my eyes open. I then make it a point to keep the airplane mode on, switch off the lights, burn some incense (lavender, of course), and think about everything I just read as I drift to sleep.
This practice has also solved my issue of having so many books I want to read but “no time to go through them all.” It’s amazing how many books you can get through if you’re consistently reading that 20 minutes every night. You are also more present for what you’re reading, instead of frantically zooming through a book so you can be on to the next one. This pace helps me to align my own spirit with what I’m reading, and builds a stronger connection between my conscious consumption and my subconscious realizations. By keeping my commitment to read myself to sleep each night, I am only strengthening my own relationship with my inner truth.
03 midday walk
Depending on where you are, you may be lucky enough to have an autumn wind blowing through your city. I know here in Dallas, it’s been a comfortable 70 degrees during the day, the perfect weather to enjoy a walk. I am lucky to live in a community with a beautiful + winding trail around a lake, which has become my favorite place to spend 30 minutes of my lunch break.
I think of this walk as my mid-day check-in. So my meditation is saying good morning to my spirit, my lunch walk is double checking on how the morning has served me + how I’d like the rest of the day to unfold, and reading + journaling before bed is how I say goodnight to myself. It sounds cheesy, but it really is like you have to be dating yourself, checking in with yourself, asking yourself how you are feeling or how your day is going.
I like to take a 30-40 minute walk every day, if the weather + my workday permits, and I pick a podcast episode to listen to while I am walking. This may not seem like true alone time, because I’m technically listening to a form of media, but again, it’s all about intention. I pick an episode of a podcast that relates to what I’m thinking + feeling + working through that day, a theme I dial into during my morning meditation. These podcasts are usually self-development leaning, and by walking during the episode, I am able to absorb the beauty of the natural world while intentionally consuming spiritual + uplifting media. I make sure I am really listening, sometimes pausing whatever episode I picked and continuing my walk in silence while contemplating whatever questions + ideas come up for me from that episode. After this midday check-in, it’s easier to return to work feeling refreshed, as if I have reset my “go go go” mindset back into my centered + aligned energy, which carries me into my evening routine.
As the weather drops, I may have to shift this lunch routine on much colder days. I’m not too worried about that now, as everything is cyclical and I know I will find a new way to check in with myself every afternoon. There are always pockets of time to be found throughout the day to check in with yourself, even if it’s just taking a 5 minute breather from your schedule to drink a glass of water and take a few deep breaths. Again, it’s all about being intentional with your time.
So if I add this up, I am typically spending 70-80 minutes intentionally with myself a day. Yeah, I spend all day with myself technically—heck, my whole life will be with myself. But we spend so much of our days on autopilot, which lends to that haze I mentioned at the beginning of this post: time just slips by, and suddenly an entire season is gone. By committing to these 3 daily practices, I am looking to build a stronger relationship with my spirit and with my inner knowing. I have already found myself less likely to compromise on my beliefs + wants in order to please others or to adhere to an external programming that doesn’t align with what I’m learning within myself.
I encourage you to try out a few of these practices, and begin to enjoy that time in self-reflection + self-discovery. Time alone is not time wasted, time alone can be time of growth and time you enjoy. Time alone can revive your intuition, and make you more present in the moments you have to show up for others or for your goals.
You, me, Persephone, we all have the pomegranate taste on our tongues. We all have the urge to go inward, and it’s hidden beneath the guise of an anxiousness or a daze which clouds our intuition. We can look deeper than the daze, and find that the “Underworld” is not a dark or scary place at all. It is a landscape of self-discovery which we can carry with us back into the meadow at spring, an act of self love and self care which will make us even stronger as we inevitably cycle back into extroverted activities.
I hope you have a solid week ahead, fam! Try to spend some time with yourself, you are your closest and most important companion on this path. There’s no shame in taking that time to be, to cultivate, and to learn. You are stronger than you know, and your cyclical energy is natural—embrace it.